Too much gin, very little bucket
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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