Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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