Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
