Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
