Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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