I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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