Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
