Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
