I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize