So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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