So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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