Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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