Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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