i jhust puked up my retainher.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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