it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
