She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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