yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
