I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
