Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
