Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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