Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
