i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
