I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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