In the future we'll all be gay
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
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