I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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