it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
