I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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