Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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