there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
