Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
