Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
