Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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