Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
