i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize