I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize