When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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