"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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