I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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