Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Someone signed my nipple.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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