saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
