good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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