i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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