Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
