everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize