Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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