Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
