I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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