Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
