your parents love me but you hate me
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
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