This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
