Got a toothbrush?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
