ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
