and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
