Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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