that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
