i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Still dying that you shit outside
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
