Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
