Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
