The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
