Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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