3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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