While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize