i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize