I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
