yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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