I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
