Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
