she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
