I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize