I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
