Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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