I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
