and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
