and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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