You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
