You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
