wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm like, not good at living.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
