I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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