I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
