i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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