I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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