Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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