We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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