I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
