he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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