I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
