Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
