Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
