i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
