she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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