I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
